24-year-old refuses to forgive her deadbeat dad who hasn't seen her since she was 10 years old: 'He messaged me, said he misses his little girl and wants to reconnect.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

One of the best things about being an adult is that you don't have to have a relationship with anyone you don't want a relationship with. I'm not advocating cutting off your parents for no good reason or refusing to maintain any friendships because they're an inconvenience to you. Many relationships in life are worth fighting for, even if they're nowhere near perfect. But if being in contact with somebody causes more pain and suffering than it does joy, then you have all the power in the world to let that relationship go. Nobody is forcing you to be around your horrible family, but it is easier said than done to cut them off if they're a huge part of your social world. Still, sometimes the choice to go no-contact with somebody is an easy one. It's easy to never see someone again who has never put much effort into seeing you in the first place. 

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  • For the young woman in this story, the question of whether to be in contact with her father was a no-brainer. He left her life when she was 10, and now that she's 24, he's trying to crawl back into her world. Why on earth would she give him the time of day?

  • 01

    AITA for refusing to give my dad a second chance after he left us?

    When I was 10, my dad walked out. No warning. One day he kissed me goodbye for school, and that night he was gone. My mom cried every night for months, and I stopped asking. where he went after the first few weeks. No calls. No birthdays.
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 02
    LALAMAN
    via 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Nothing..Now I'm 24, and out of nowhere he messaged me on Facebook. Said he "misses his little girl" and wants to reconnect. Apparently, he's remarried, found God, and says he's a changed man. I ignored it at first, but he kept trying. Eventually, I replied and said I wasn't interested..He
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10532843264
    via Clay Banks

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    told some of our extended family, and now I'm getting messages from aunts and cousins saying I should forgive him. That "life is short" and "he's trying." But I don't think he gets to just pop back into my life because it's convenient for him now..I don't hate him. I'm just... tired. Tired of
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 06
    pretending his absence didn't mess me up. Am I the a hole for not wanting to open that door again?
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10532837632
    via Adam Baney

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    Ehy350 He has waited far too long to get in touch. He knew he had left a kid behind, what sort of person does that. You will probably be curious to meet him but remember he's doing it to cure his guilt and not out of love to you.
    via u/Ehy350
  • 09
    ProfitLoud My biological dad did this. He didn't get the absolution of guilt he was looking for. I got absolutely nothing be a revival of old feelings I had worked hard to work through. If OP doesn't wanna do it, she absolutely shouldn't.
    via u/ProfitLoud
  • 10
    Murky_Visual4964 OP Wow, thank you for saying this. It means a lot hearing it from someone who's been through it. I've spent years trying to move on, and the thought of digging all that up again is just... heavy
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 11
    Used Clock_4627 You'll notice OP he contacted you AFTER you were an adult AND out of school(I presume)? Therefore he wouldn't have to fork over any money......
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • 12
    lazespud2 I would also consider making it clear to your extended family (each individual person that has told you to "give him a chance") that you are requesting that they do not contact you about this again, and if they want to continue to have a relationship with you that it's contingent on their not bringing this up again.
    via u/lazespud2
  • 13
    Vandreeson NTA. It's not like he left for a couple days. He abandoned you for fourteen years. You owe him nothing. Your relatives that are giving you a hard time can do whatever they want, but again you owe him nothing. He hasn't cared about you or what harm he did to you for all these years, but now he's back and you should he cool with it. Life doesn't work like that.
    via u/Vandreeson
  • 14
    nikkuhlee I have been here too. My siblings all cope differently. Some want to know him. Some absolutely hate him. I was oldest and know he was a broken person way before us and I empathize for that enough not to be hostile or stay angry, but I don't forgive him and I don't let his family tell my siblings to "get over it." He caused an enormous amount of damage to our lives. Left us homeless with my mom making $8 an hour.
    via u/nikkuhlee
  • 15
    You owe nothing, he wasn't around to help you cope with losing him, you certainly aren't obligated to be around to support him while he has his morality crisis. Anyone pushing or rushing you can get bent, they didn't have to live in the fallout.
    via u/nikkuhlee
  • 16
    Ashby238 My bio dad called me on my 28th birthday because Dr. Laura and Oprah said that if you asked for forgiveness from those you hurt it would be granted. It still me off decades later. You left and gave us up, why would I want to talk to you let alone forgive you.
    via u/Ashby238
  • 17
    MaineKlutz And... his little girl is not little any more. Nor his. And a woman, not a girl. So who is it he wants to meet? 'his little girl'?????
    via u/MaineKlutz
  • 18
    dismal-duckling He abandoned his little girl. She is gone. He can't resurrect her and be absolved of his his wrongs. OP, you have a whole life without him. Live it.
    via u/dismal-duckling
  • 19
    Murky_Visual4964 OP That last line hit me. You're right. I've already lived most of my life without him — why let him come in now and rewrite it all for his closure? I need to keep moving forward.
    via u/Murky_Visual4964
  • 20
    grayblue_grrl Ah... I found god and he forgave me - so you have to. Not at all wrong to keep that door closed. Getting his family to ab e you PROVES he hasn't changed. Still only cares about himself. NTA
    via u/grayblue_grrl
  • 21
    melympia Getting his family to abe you PROVES he hasn't changed. This is such an important point! Also, does he need a kindey or something?
    via u/melympia
  • 22
    shubhaprabhatam Tell him you want all the owed child support first. If he does pay, take the money and then tell him to f off.
    via u/shubhaprabhatam
  • 23
    zeugma888 Child support plus interest.
    via u/zeugma888
  • 24
    Fiz_Giggity "Life is short". So was your childhood, of which he missed near half of. You are the one who gets to decide if/when you ever speak to him again, let alone meet in person. NTA
    via u/Fiz_Giggity
  • 25
    ObsidianConspiracyXx He's only popping back in now because the hard part is over, and he very likely wants/needs a big favor that he has no right to ask for. NTA. He and the rest of his family can pound sand.
    via u/ObsidianConspiracyXx

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family drama deadbeat crazy things parents say fatherhood bad parenting bad parents parenting deadbeat dad family daughter Parenting Fail parents Father Parenting FAILS
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